Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
