I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
