So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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