my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize