you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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