u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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