dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
