this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
