I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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