the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
