No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
