Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She's JV to your varsity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We are all done wearing pants today
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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