The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
