I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
