I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FUCK WHALES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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