there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize