Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
