I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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