Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
