we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
