i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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