I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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