As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
