Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
