Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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