she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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