i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
