Your tits are I can't wait for
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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