woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize