I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
