you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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