i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
