i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
