is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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