he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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