I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
