i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
