I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well I just put wine in my tea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize