two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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