He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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