yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
