i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
