I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
