I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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