What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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