I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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