Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
