He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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