Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
