Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
