I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
