she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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