They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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