i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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