So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Panties = found
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
