I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
