remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
