Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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