I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
