if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
