She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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