who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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