I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
