Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
