fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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