she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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