I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
honey bunches of taint.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
