tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
