There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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