Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
