i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
