She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As shirtless as possible
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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