So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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